Feeling Lovable Again After Divorce
by Oona Metz, founder of Oona Metz, LICSW, Therapist
Feeling sad, lonely, rejected, betrayed?
If you have gone through a divorce recently, you may be worried that you will never find love again. Being in a painful marriage which ends in divorce can often leave women feeling unloved, or worse, unlovable. Feeling sad, lonely, rejected, betrayed? These are all feelings that women report as they navigate the painful process of divorce but feeling unlovable can be one of the most painful. Let’s talk about a few things you can do to regain your sense of lovability.
Reach Out to Your Community
Spend time with the people who DO love you. If your spouse has fallen out of love with you, or fallen in love with someone else, it can feel devastating. It is crucial that you reach out to the people in your life who truly see you, value you and love you. Spend time with your best friend, the women in your book group or tennis team, an old college friend, or your favorite colleague. Don’t wait for these people to reach out to you. Reach out to them and watch what happens when you surround yourself with people who love or admire you.
Spend time loving yourself. I know it sounds like a cliche, but it is actually true that in order to heal from a divorce, you must spend time figuring out who you are, what you like, and then go and do those things. From the tiny (you love pineapples but never bought them because your spouse didn’t) to the medium (repaint the living room the color YOU love) to the major things (take that class in landscaping/stained glass/memoir writing), this is the time to figure out what you love.
Move Your Body
Exercise. Preferably often, preferably outside, preferably with a friend, but any exercise is better than nothing. There is plenty of research to show that the better we feel physically, the better we feel emotionally. Get your body moving! When you show your body that you love it by exercising, your body will start to love you back. Remember, 10 minutes of exercise is better than zero minutes.
Get Support
Join a support group. Find a support group in your area or online where you can talk about your feelings and get the support you need. Sometimes it is hard to see your own strength until you see it reflected in others. Supporting others has the added bonus of making you feel valuable and needed.
Patience with Yourself Is Key
Be patient with yourself. It will take time to feel lovable again, but you will get there step by step.
This article was originally published here.
Learn more about and how to work with Oona Metz here!
Please note that the blogpost above does not represent the thoughts or opinions of Fresh Start Registry and solely represents the original author’s perspective.