6 Tips for Surviving Your First Divorced Christmas With Kids
by Oona Metz, founder of Oona Metz, LICSW, Therapist
The Holidays After Divorce: A Mixed Bag of Emotions
The holidays are upon us, and there is a lot of hustling and bustling around. If this is your first holiday since your separation or divorce, you are likely feeling a lot right now. You might be sad, anxious, or overwhelmed by facing Christmas without your ex. You may be feeling lonely or regretful. Or, you may be feeling relief that your house has less conflict and tension. Try to lean into the relief.
I’ll tell you a secret: the couples who are still married are feeling stressed too. It is a different kind of stress than yours, but I guarantee they are not hanging around in their matching holiday pajamas feeling fancy free.
6 Tips To Get Through the Holidays After Divorce
Here are six tips to help you get through to a New Year:
If you are splitting Christmas Day with your ex, try not to put too much focus on what you are missing and instead put the focus on what you do have.
The one thing that all kids love about having divorced parents is double holidays. Kids don’t care if Christmas is on the 25th. They care that there is a festive, cheerful, peaceful atmosphere in your home—AND that they get a lot of presents.
If your kids come to you at noon on Christmas, focus on the time you have that day rather than the fact that you missed Christmas Eve. Make a plan for yourself for the time without your kids.Try not to fall into the Divorced Christmas Gift Competition trap.
You may feel guilty that your kids have just gone through your divorce and try to compensate with too many gifts. Sure, kids need gifts, but they need loving homes and happy parents even more. Try not to go crazy with the gifts.
Post-divorce, you and your ex may have different incomes and that may sting. Try to focus on a reasonable gift list rather than trying to outspend your ex. If you have a good relationship with your ex, you can coordinate gifts, but if not, just focus on what you want to give your kids.Spend time with your kids and your ex if you can do it without tension.
Some people believe that divorced parents should spend time together for the sake of the kids. That’s great if your kids can enjoy that time. But, if they are picking up on tension, it is best to skip the together time.Create new traditions. This is a great time to create new traditions for your new family structure.
Ask your kids for their ideas and come up with some new ways of approaching the holidays. Maybe you have a baking contest on Christmas Eve. Maybe you decorate your own ornaments or go for a family walk in the woods. Whatever it is, make it special, and pick something you can do every year. Kids love traditions, and this is the time to make some new ones.Give yourself an extra helping of compassion this year.
You have undoubtedly had a rough year and this first Holiday will be the hardest one to get through. It will be easier next year. Practice self-care before, during and after the holidays. Get yourself an extra present this year.If you don’t have your kids on Christmas, make sure you DO have a plan for yourself.
Try to think through in advance what would feel good for you during this time. You may want to spend time with your family or friends when you don’t have your kids. Or, you may want a day by yourself to watch movies and eat popcorn on the couch. Try to hone in on what would feel best for you and then make that happen.
It Gets Easier
The holidays are hard when you are divorced. You may always feel a little sting when they roll around and you have to share your kids with your ex, but they will get easier every year.
This article was originally published here.
Learn more about and how to work with Oona Metz here!
Please note that the blogpost above does not represent the thoughts or opinions of Fresh Start Registry and solely represents the original author’s perspective.