3 Things I Learned from My Divorce with The Mother Lode Writer Cindy DiTiberio
In this powerful episode of Divorce Happens, Olivia Howell sits down with Cindy DiTiberio—writer, ghostwriter, and author of the bestselling Substack The Mother Lode—to unpack the raw truths and hard-won wisdom that come with divorce. Cindy shares the three biggest lessons she learned through her own divorce, and nothing is off the table: finances, post-nups, boundaries, and reclaiming your power.
Cindy opens up about the moment she realized just how capable she truly is—especially in taking back control of her financial life after years of handing it over in her marriage. From doing her own taxes to uncovering the invisible labor of money management, she shares how divorce forced her to research, advocate, and rise. We also dig into why postnuptial agreements should be non-negotiable, and how they can radically change the power dynamics in a marriage.
Finally, Cindy shares the revolutionary impact of setting boundaries. Divorce, she says, taught her that she didn’t have to accept treatment that didn’t feel good—and that realization transformed all of her relationships. This episode is a must-listen for anyone who's ever doubted their strength or felt stuck in outdated expectations.
Divorce Happens – 3 things I learned from my divorce with writer Cindy DiTiberio
Olivia Howell:
Hello, hello, and welcome back to Divorce Happens—the podcast where we support you before, during, and after divorce with education, inspiration, and a little bit of laughter. Because as we know: divorce happens, and then you start fresh. Today, I’m joined by one of our friends here at Fresh Starts—Cindy! Cindy, can you tell us who you are and what you do?
Cindy DiTiberio:
Hi! I’m Cindy DiTiberio. I’m a writer and the creator of the bestselling Substack newsletter The Mother Load, where I unpack motherhood, marriage, and divorce. I’m currently working on my own book, and I also collaborate with others as a ghostwriter to help them tell their stories. I love what Fresh Starts is doing—Olivia has been key in my own journey, and I’ve used the experts in the network. I’m just so grateful for all the support.
Olivia Howell:
Thank you! We’re so happy to have you. One of my favorite segments on this show is talking to real people—real humans who’ve gone through divorce—about what they’ve learned. So, Cindy, what are three of the biggest lessons you learned from your divorce?
Cindy DiTiberio:
The first thing that came to mind is just how capable I am. As women, we’re often conditioned to give away our power, especially when it comes to money. During my marriage, I handed over all the financial responsibilities to my ex because he worked in finance—it just made sense at the time. But once we divorced, I was suddenly in charge of everything, and it was terrifying... but also incredibly empowering. I realized quickly: I can do this. I’m doing my own taxes, organizing my documents, thinking about deductions. I’m capable.
I think one of the biggest mistakes I made in my marriage was not being a collaborative partner in understanding our financial picture—our taxes, mortgage, accounts. When I had to figure it all out myself, I discovered I was really good at research. I can find anything I need to know, and now I’ve taken that same energy into learning about my finances. We are all capable—it’s just that the patriarchy teaches us to give our power away. But we can take it back at any time, whether we’re divorcing or not.
Olivia Howell:
Yes! What you’re describing is so common in marriages—so many of us just say, “Okay, you handle it,” and we get stuck. You write about this so beautifully, and your research in The Mother Load is so insightful. I was literally talking about you the other day and how you explain the challenges women face when trying to rent or buy a home post-divorce—especially as freelancers or part-time workers. I’ve learned so much from your work, and I hope you know how inspiring your story is.
Cindy DiTiberio:
Thank you, that means so much. The second big thing I learned was about postnuptial agreements. I didn’t even know what one was until I went through my divorce. Now, I’m incredibly passionate about them. I recently collaborated with Eve Rodsky and Fair Play, along with Aaron Thomas (aka The Prenup Guy), to create a guide to prenups and postnups.
Postnups could’ve saved me so much time, money, and energy. These agreements bring everything out on the table—your money, your accounts, your division of labor. They force conversations we often avoid in marriage: Who’s doing what? Is it equitable? Are both partners being valued? If you can’t even have these conversations, that’s a red flag. And when you’re in the middle of a contentious divorce, all the goodwill is gone, which makes it even harder to be generous or fair. Having a postnup early on can help avoid that.
Olivia Howell:
Absolutely. The inability to talk about money is such a warning sign.
Cindy DiTiberio:
It really is. These documents are protective, but they also serve as a tool to make marriages stronger. They codify expectations and labor. For instance, if one partner steps back in their career, a postnup can outline spousal support or protect the higher earner from paying alimony when labor wasn’t shared equitably. It’s about recognizing and honoring all forms of labor, both paid and unpaid.
Olivia Howell:
Okay—what’s the final lesson you learned from your divorce?
Cindy DiTiberio:
The third one has been the most transformational. Divorce taught me that I deserve to be treated well. I don’t have to keep accepting bad treatment just because it’s familiar or because it’s “family.” There’s something so revolutionary in saying, “I don’t like how I’m being treated—and I’m not going to take it anymore.” That mindset has expanded beyond my marriage into all my relationships. Now, if someone’s behavior doesn’t feel right, I ask myself: Do I really want to keep tolerating this? Or is it time to set some boundaries?
We’re taught to just “let it go,” especially with spouses or family, but accepting poor treatment takes a toll. Learning to draw the line has been a huge gift. I no longer stay in spaces where I’m not being respected—and that shift has changed my life.
Olivia Howell:
I love that. It’s so powerful and so true. Where can people find your work and follow along with your journey?
Cindy DiTiberio:
You can find me on Instagram at @cindy.ditiberio, and my Substack is The Mother Load. Just search “The Mother Load Substack,” and it’ll pop right up. That’s where I’m unpacking all of these conversations every week.
Olivia Howell:
We’ll link everything in the show notes! Cindy has amazing conversations happening over on Instagram and Substack, so definitely give her a follow and subscribe. Her work digs into everything we care about here at Fresh Starts. Thank you for being here, Cindy. You’re helping so many people see that it’s possible to come out the other side stronger, wiser, and more empowered.
Cindy DiTiberio:
Thank you so much for having me!