What to consider when you’re considering divorce: everything you need to know about parenting plans

Jan 26

Divorce is never an easy decision, especially when children are involved. One of the most important aspects of navigating this transition is creating a parenting plan that works for everyone—especially your kids. A well-thought-out parenting plan can provide stability, set expectations, and reduce conflict, helping your family adjust to this new chapter with as much ease as possible.

In this blog post, we’ll explore what a parenting plan is, why it’s essential, and the key factors to consider when crafting one. From understanding legal requirements to addressing practical concerns like schedules, communication, and holidays, we’ll guide you through the process step by step. Whether you’re just beginning to explore the possibility of divorce or already in the thick of it, this guide will help you prioritize what matters most: the well-being of your children.

What is a Parenting Plan?

A parenting plan is a written agreement that outlines how parents will share responsibilities and care for their children after a divorce or separation. It covers important details like where the children will live, how decisions about their education, health, and activities will be made, and when each parent will spend time with them. Essentially, it helps create a clear and consistent framework to ensure that your kids feel supported and cared for, even when their parents live in separate homes.

Who Needs a Parenting Plan?

Any parents who are separating or divorcing and have children under 18 typically need a parenting plan. It’s especially important if you want to avoid misunderstandings or disagreements about parenting responsibilities. Many courts require a parenting plan as part of the divorce process to ensure both parents are on the same page when it comes to raising their kids.

Who Can Help You Write a Parenting Plan?

You don’t have to create a parenting plan alone. Professionals who can help include:

Family law attorneys: They can ensure your plan meets legal requirements and protects everyone’s rights.
Mediators: Neutral third parties who can guide you and your co-parent to reach agreements in a cooperative way.
Parenting coordinators or counselors: They can help address emotional aspects and create a plan that works for your family.
Court resources: Many courts offer templates or require specific details in your plan.

Essential Elements of a Parenting Plan (and how to have a civil discussion)

A parenting plan needs to be clear, detailed, and child-focused. Below are the key elements, what they entail, and how you can address each with civility.

1. Living Arrangements

What it entails: Specifies where the child will live and how their time will be divided between parents. This includes regular schedules, holidays, vacations, and special occasions.
How to Discuss: Approach the conversation by emphasizing consistency for the child. Say, "It's important for [child's name] to feel secure and know when they’ll see each of us. Let’s create a schedule that works for everyone."
Tips: Use a calendar to outline daily, weekly, and holiday schedules. Be flexible but prioritize the child’s routine.

2. Decision-Making Authority

What it entails: Clarifies who makes major decisions about education, health, religion, and extracurricular activities.
How to Discuss: Frame the discussion around collaboration. Say, "We both care deeply about [child's name]'s future. Let’s decide how to share decision-making in a way that respects both of our roles."
Tips: Consider joint decision-making for big issues and designate clear responsibilities for day-to-day choices.

3. Communication Guidelines

What it entails: Establishes how parents and children will communicate, including methods, frequency, and rules for respectful interactions.
How to Discuss: Highlight the importance of open communication for the child’s well-being. Say, "Staying connected with [child's name] and each other will help things go smoothly. Let’s agree on ways to communicate respectfully."
Tips: Agree on using tools like co-parenting apps and set boundaries for calls or messages to avoid conflict.

4. Child Support and Expenses

What it entails: Details financial responsibilities, including child support, medical costs, educational expenses, and extracurricular activities.
How to Discuss: Focus on fairness and the child’s needs. Say, "Let’s make sure [child's name] has everything they need, and we’ll split the costs fairly."
Tips: Use state guidelines to calculate child support and outline how to handle unexpected expenses.

5. Health and Medical Care

What it entails: Specifies how medical decisions will be made, including insurance, regular checkups, and emergencies.
How to Discuss: Emphasize the importance of preparedness. Say, "It’s vital that [child's name] gets the care they need without confusion. Let’s create a clear plan for their medical needs."
Tips: Decide who holds the insurance and how medical appointments and emergencies will be communicated.

6. Education

What it entails: Covers school choice, parent-teacher communication, and involvement in the child’s education.
How to Discuss: Center on supporting the child’s learning. Say, "Education is key for [child's name]. Let’s make decisions that help them thrive in school."
Tips: Agree on how to handle school changes, share progress reports, and attend school events.

7. Holidays and Special Occasions

What it entails: Outlines how holidays, birthdays, and other special events will be shared.
How to Discuss: Acknowledge the importance of traditions. Say, "Holidays are special for [child's name]. Let’s create a schedule that allows them to celebrate with both of us."
Tips: Alternate holidays yearly or split the day, based on what’s best for the child.

8. Extracurricular Activities

What it entails: Decides how to support the child’s activities, including transportation, scheduling, and costs.
How to Discuss: Highlight the value of their interests. Say, "[Child's name] loves [activity]. Let’s work together to make sure they can keep enjoying it."
Tips: Agree on sharing costs and coordinating schedules.

9. Conflict Resolution

What it entails: Establishes how disagreements will be handled to avoid ongoing tension.
How to Discuss: Focus on reducing stress. Say, "Disagreements might happen, but let’s agree on a healthy way to resolve them for [child's name]'s sake."
Tips: Include mediation or a neutral third-party if conflicts arise.

10. Flexibility and Modifications

What it entails: Provides a process for adjusting the plan as the child grows or circumstances change.
How to Discuss: Stress the need for adaptability. Say, "Life changes, and so do kids’ needs. Let’s include a way to revisit this plan as necessary."
Tips: Schedule periodic reviews and allow for open communication about adjustments.