3 Things I Learned from My Divorce with Rebecca Feinglos
In this powerful episode of Divorce Happens, Olivia sits down with grief support specialist and founder of Grieve Leave, Rebecca Feinglos, to explore the layered emotions and life shifts that come with divorce. Together, they dive deep into the intersection of grief and relationship loss, revealing how losing a parent can shape how we love—and leave. Rebecca shares her own story of heartbreak and healing, highlighting the pivotal moment she realized she didn’t have to normalize unhealthy behavior in her marriage.
Rebecca opens up about the three biggest lessons she learned through divorce: that you are never truly stuck, that self-discovery is a vital part of the healing process, and that it’s okay to feel both grief and freedom at the same time. She emphasizes the importance of tuning into your gut, even when the world around you tells you to stay. Her insights remind listeners that grief doesn’t just follow death—it can show up in endings of all kinds, and it deserves time, space, and care.
Rebecca Feinglos (pronounced fine-gloss) is a certified grief support specialist, startup founder, and former policy advisor who launched Grieve Leave in 2021 after experiencing profound personal loss, including the deaths of both parents and a difficult divorce. Grieve Leave has since grown into a global movement, reaching over 30,000 people and encouraging intentional time for grieving through community, resources, and humor. Based between North Carolina and Montreal, Rebecca is a nationally recognized voice in grief advocacy, featured in TIME, HuffPost, and ELLE, and she's on a mission to make the world more grief-informed—one honest conversation at a time.
Transcript – Divorce Happens with Rebecca Feinglos
Olivia: Welcome back to Divorce Happens, the podcast where we support you before, during, and after divorce with education, inspiration, and a little bit of laughter—because as we know, divorce happens, and then you start fresh. Today, I'm joined by someone very special, someone I first connected with years ago when we were both building our platforms. We share a love of grief work, Jewish family roots, and yes—even puppets. Rebecca, I'm so glad you're here. Can you introduce yourself?
Rebecca Feinglos: Thanks, Olivia. I'm so excited to be here. I'm Rebecca Feinglos, the founder of Grieve Leave, an organization that focuses on grief, loss, and helping people navigate all types of grief—not just death. As someone who lost both of my parents before the age of 30 and then went through a divorce, I understand how grief can manifest in many forms. At Grieve Leave, we talk about grief that stems from life transitions like divorce, and we encourage people to take intentional time to process those experiences.
Olivia: I love that. It’s so important to normalize grief beyond death. As you know, I’m also happily divorced, but the grief still shows up sometimes. With that in mind, I’d love to know—what are the three biggest things you learned from your divorce?
Rebecca: First, you are not stuck. I felt stuck for so long in a life I thought I wanted. I had invested years into the relationship and told myself I had to make it work because of that. But it took losing both of my parents to realize that I wasn’t stuck—that I could make a different choice. And I did. I separated from my ex at 31 and haven’t looked back.
Olivia: That’s powerful. Did your parents know him?
Rebecca: My mom died when I was very young, so she never met him. But my dad did. He started seeing through the cracks of our relationship before I fully admitted what was happening. His concern and support were huge for me. After he passed, one of the questions my therapist asked was, “Would your dad support you in leaving?” And my answer was a resounding yes. That gave me clarity. It was heartbreaking, but I knew I had to break the cycle.
Olivia: That makes so much sense. I know people who stay in relationships because they feel like they’re honoring a deceased parent’s wishes. I imagine it must be hard dating again, knowing your new partner will never meet your dad.
Rebecca: It was really hard at first. My dad was my best friend, my moral compass. But I’ve learned that my partner can still get to know him—through me. Through my stories, my values, and who I am. That’s the vulnerability part. It’s not easy, but it’s beautiful too.
Olivia: What’s the second big thing you learned from your divorce?
Rebecca: You don’t have to be yelled at all the time. That might sound blunt, but it's true. I normalized a lot of unhealthy behavior because I thought that was just what marriage was. I told myself, “This is the price you pay for love.” But it doesn’t have to be that way. You can have peace. I didn’t realize how tense I was until I experienced true calm after he left the house for a trip. I felt safe. That moment made everything click.
Olivia: That resonates so deeply. We justify so much, especially as empaths and nurturers. What’s your third big takeaway?
Rebecca: That no matter how hard you work, if it’s not the right fit, it’s not the right fit. Both of us worked hard, went to therapy, did all the things. But it wasn’t “better enough.” That was hard to admit. I wanted kids, but I didn’t feel safe enough in the relationship to bring kids into it. That’s when I realized—this isn’t about love or effort. We just weren’t aligned.
Olivia: That’s so true. I always say, the person you have kids with may not be the person you raise them with. Choosing yourself is hard, but necessary.
Rebecca: Absolutely. And I’ve never felt more aligned or more like myself. Losing my parents forced me to ask who I am at my core. And if something didn’t align with that—including my marriage—it had to go.
Olivia: Do you think there’s a freedom in not having your parents around when choosing a partner?
Rebecca: As bittersweet as it sounds, yes. There’s a brutal freedom. I often joke that I can date whoever I want and say whatever I want—because there’s no one left to disappoint. Of course, I still think about my parents all the time. But there’s a freedom in that grief.
Olivia: I love that. Before we wrap up, what words of encouragement would you offer someone going through a divorce right now?
Rebecca: Get quiet. Sit somewhere peaceful and ask yourself what your gut is telling you. Your gut knows whether to stay or go. You already have the answer—you just have to give yourself the space to hear it. Trust yourself.
Olivia: Beautiful. Where can people find you?
Rebecca: You can find me at grieveleave.com, on Instagram @grieveleave, and on TikTok and Facebook too. And don’t forget to check out our podcast Griefed Up—Season One is out now, and Season Two is coming soon!
Olivia: Thank you so much, Rebecca. And thank you to everyone listening. We’ll see you next time on Divorce Happens.