How to Protect Your Home (and Sanity) During Divorce with Mortgage Expert Matthew DiBrino
In this powerful episode of Divorce Happens, Olivia Howell sits down with former divorce attorney and current mortgage expert Matthew DiBrino to unpack one of the most stressful parts of divorce: what to do about the house. With years of legal experience and now co-owner of High Quality Mortgage, Matthew brings a rare and compassionate dual perspective to navigating real estate during separation.
From understanding your mortgage options to knowing when and how to get pre-approved, Matthew offers actionable advice for anyone wondering what happens to their home during a divorce. He breaks down common scenarios like buyouts, refinancing, and why getting a mortgage pre-approval early in the process can save you time, money, and emotional stress.
Whether you're in the middle of a divorce or planning for a fresh start, this episode will help you feel more empowered and informed about one of the biggest assets involved in a separation. Plus, Matthew shares encouragement, real-life examples, and a refreshing approach to supporting clients as whole people—not just numbers on paper.
Learn more about Matthew DiBrino on his Fresh Starts profile: https://www.freshstartsregistry.com/resourceguide/high-quality-mortgage-llc
Divorce Happens Podcast: Episode Transcript with Matthew DiBrino
Olivia Howell (Host): Hello, hello! Welcome back to Divorce Happens, the podcast where we support you before, during, and after divorce with education, inspiration, and a little bit of laughter—because as we know, divorce happens, and then you start fresh. Today we’re here with one of our Fresh Starts experts, talking about a very important topic. Matthew, can you tell us who you are and what you do?
Matthew D. DiBrino: Sure! Hi, my name is Matthew DiBrino. I'm a former practicing divorce attorney. I began my legal journey in 1999, clerking for the Honorable Thomas F. Brogan in Passaic County, who was then in the Family Division. After that, I received incredible training from one of the best attorneys I know, Jose Bastyr in Paterson, New Jersey. I worked in divorce law for quite some time until about 10 years ago, when I left the practice and opened High Quality Mortgage. I haven’t practiced law in a decade, but I still work closely with divorce attorneys and their clients.
I also went through a divorce myself. And something to note—one of my mentors was Joseph Noda, one of the founders of the collaborative divorce process. That approach really focuses on making the process less contentious and more amicable.
Olivia: Absolutely. There’s really nobody better to talk to about this than you. When I went through my divorce, owning a home with my ex-husband brought up a lot of questions. The house is often the number one concern when people start considering separation. Let’s talk about that. What’s the first step if you have a mortgage and you’re starting the divorce process, but don’t know what you’re going to do with the home?
Matthew: Great question. The first thing you want to do is evaluate your options, which starts with getting a fair market appraisal of the home. That’s going to give you clarity. From there, you typically have three options:
Sell the home and split the proceeds (though that can be adjusted depending on the divorce terms).
One party buys out the other’s equity.
Refinance to remove one party from the mortgage and deed.
Let’s say there’s $100,000 in equity—$400,000 home value, $300,000 mortgage. That means each party is entitled to $50,000. If one spouse is buying out the other, they’d need to provide that amount to get them off the mortgage and deed.
The issue we often see is that agreements are made assuming one party can refinance—but later they find out they can’t qualify. I’d love to see pre-approvals happen much earlier—during mediation or early settlement panels—so that everyone knows what’s actually possible.
Olivia: That makes so much sense. And you can get pre-approved before you’ve even talked about divorce with your spouse, right?
Matthew: Yes, absolutely. Pre-approval depends on verifying income and pulling credit, which we can do independently from the spouse. Whether you’re salaried or self-employed affects how we calculate usable income. The only complication early on might be factoring in child support or alimony, if that will be a part of your income.
Olivia: So it’s better to get that clarity up front, even quietly, so you can make informed decisions.
Matthew: Exactly. It saves time, money, and emotional energy. And it gives both parties a realistic view of what their future can look like.
Olivia: I know when I refinanced, my ex was really kind and allowed me to keep the house under my own income. But it was stressful—especially as a business owner. I didn’t even know I needed a mortgage person when going through divorce. Can you talk about why working with a mortgage lender you trust is so important?
Matthew: Anytime you're dealing with finances, working with someone transparent and communicative is crucial. In divorce, emotions run high, and the house symbolizes your marriage, your family, and your past. You want someone who not only understands the numbers but also the emotional weight behind them. I always encouraged couples to figure things out together when possible—because once a judge is involved, you lose control.
Olivia: Right. That extra layer of support makes a big difference.
Matthew: Absolutely. Knowing whether a refinance or buyout is even possible can shift the entire negotiation. Post-divorce, it’s also important to ensure both parties can move forward with financial stability. If you're the one being bought out, you still need to be able to qualify for your own home later. And yes, child support or alimony can be qualifying income—but it has to continue for at least three years to count.
Olivia: So timing is everything.
Matthew: Exactly. If you wait too long, like when child support is ending soon, it may not help you qualify. That’s why planning early matters.
Olivia: And if someone wants to build wealth post-divorce, like buying a second home or investing?
Matthew: We work with a lot of clients on that. Maybe you’re getting bought out—this could be an opportunity to buy a two-family home, live in it for a year, and then use rental income to buy another. It’s about strategy and looking forward.
Olivia: Love that. So when someone calls you in the early stages of divorce, what do they say?
Matthew: Most say, “I’m getting divorced, and I want to understand my options.” Usually, they’ve spoken to an attorney and are trying to figure out buyouts, equity, or refinancing. We give a solid estimate of home value and walk through what’s possible.
One of the biggest mistakes I see is people overextending themselves to stay attached to the marital home. That emotional pull can cause long-term financial strain. If you can let go of that and think clearly, you’re more likely to set yourself up for success.
Olivia: So true. And where can people work with you?
Matthew: I co-own High Quality Mortgage (HQM Loans) in Fairfield, New Jersey. We’ve been in business for 10 years and are licensed in New Jersey, Florida, and North Carolina. We started with two laptops and a rented table, and now we’re one of the top mortgage companies in the state. Our motto: treat people like friends and family.
Olivia: I love that. Before we wrap—what would you say to someone going through a divorce who feels overwhelmed?
Matthew: You’re not the first, and you won’t be the last. There is light at the end of the tunnel. Discomfort is part of growth. Sit with the feelings, acknowledge them, and when you can accept what’s happening, you’ll be more open to what’s possible next. Your fresh start is waiting.
Olivia: Beautiful. We’re so lucky to have you as a Fresh Starts Expert. If you’re in NJ, FL, or NC, Matthew’s info is in the show notes. Thank you, Matthew!
Matthew: Thank you, Olivia. It was a pleasure!