Domestic Abuse Isn’t Always Physical In Nature
by Oona Metz, founder of Oona Metz, LICSW, Therapist
Legislation would permit restraining orders based on ‘coercive control’
WE LOST an inspirational powerhouse recently. Often cited as the Queen of Rock and Roll, Tina Turner died on May 24, leaving her family, friends, and fans mourning her loss. Perhaps it is fitting that Tina, who embodied both strength and resilience, died at her home in Switzerland, a country known for peace and neutrality. But Tina’s life was not always peaceful. Tina was a powerful and successful performer, and she was a survivor of horrendous violence at the hands of her first husband. Massachusetts currently has an opportunity to pass a bill which would improve protections related to domestic abuse. Passing this bill would give survivors of domestic abuse the additional protection they deserve and has the potential to save lives.
Coercive control is a pattern of behavior in which threats, humiliation, and intimidation are used to harm, punish, frighten, or control a partner. Coercive control is designed to make a person dependent by isolating them from their support system, exploiting them, depriving them of independence, and regulating their behavior. Massachusetts lawmakers have filed a bill that addresses coercive control. Sponsored by Reps. Natalie Higgins and Tram Nguyen, the bill would allow survivors to obtain a restraining order based on patterns of coercive control. In addition, the bill codifies technological abuse as a form of abuse.
According to the many books and movies about Tina, Tina met Ike Turner in a nightclub when Tina was just 17. During their marriage, Ike used coercive control tactics to keep Tina dependent on him. He also beat her with his fists and with wire coat hangers. He choked her, broke her bones, and burned her with scalding hot coffee. There were years of physical and emotional abuse in addition to the numerous coercive control strategies he employed. Tina finally left Ike in 1976. She had only 36 cents and a Mobil card in her pocket. Many people suspect that Ike would have eventually killed Tina if she had stayed with him.
In 2022, there were 26 domestic violence-related homicides in Massachusetts—a more than 40 percent increase over 2021. Lisa Aronson Fontes, a senior lecturer at UMass Amherst and author of the book Invisible Chains: Overcoming Coercive Control in Your Intimate Relationship, asserts that almost all domestic homicides are preceded by coercive control and that coercive control is a better predictor of domestic homicide than previous violent assaults.
As a therapist working with women navigating divorce, I hear from women every week who fear for their safety because of their partner’s behavior. They recount receiving endless abusive or intimidating texts and emails, their children and pets are threatened, their finances are controlled, yet they have no legal recourse. A restraining order in Massachusetts requires that the threats include an intent to cause physical harm. Restraining orders specifically exclude non-physical abuse and have not been updated to include the numerous ways people can use the internet and finances to harass, intimidate, and humiliate. If domestic homicide is almost always preceded by coercive control, we must consider coercive control in the legal definition of abuse.
Tina paved the way for us to speak about the issue of intimate partner violence when she gave an interview to People magazine in 1981 detailing the abuse she endured. This act of bravery helped break the silence around intimate partner violence. Her rise to fame after leaving Ike and her subsequent open communication about the abuse she suffered have helped countless women find hope to leave their own abusive situations. We must keep this conversation going as shame and stigma often keep survivors silent and afraid. But in addition to talking about abuse, we must update our laws. We now understand that domestic abuse isn’t always physical in nature and the role that coercive control plays in the dynamic of an abusive relationship.
We are facing an epidemic of domestic homicide in Massachusetts. Intimate partner violence has a clear pattern, and lawmakers have the opportunity to pass a bill that would give survivors of domestic abuse the additional protection they deserve. We won’t get the opportunity to see Tina perform again in Boston but we can pass a bill that would make her proud.
If you or someone you know is a victim of sexual or domestic violence in need of assistance, call 877-785-2020 or visit www.janedoe.org/findhelp.
Oona Metz is a psychotherapist with offices in Brookline and Arlington who works with women navigating divorce. She can be found at www.oonametz.com.
This article was originally published here.
Learn more about and how to work with Oona Metz here!
Please note that the blogpost above does not represent the thoughts or opinions of Fresh Start Registry and solely represents the original author’s perspective.