Facing My Fear as a Teacher: The Power of Letting Go of Control
by Lorraine Connell founder of Peers not Fears, Teen Leadership Coach
As a teacher, one of the hardest challenges I faced was giving autonomy to my students. I struggled with letting go of control in the classroom. I believed that if I wasn’t steering every moment, I couldn’t predict what would happen. That fear manifested in so many ways: it stopped me from giving students opportunities to step into leadership, from trying new things, or from showing me their unique perspectives. In the end, it wasn’t just my students who were missing out—I was too.
The Turning Point: My Realization About Control
It took time, but I eventually realized that when I was trying to control everything, I was limiting my classroom to just one brain—my own. I had to remember everything I wanted to say, manage every student’s behavior, and make sure the lesson followed my plan. If anything went off course, it felt like a personal failure.
And the truth is, when one person is doing all the work, that person becomes exhausted. That was me. It’s also a recipe for burnout, and it left little room for creativity or growth—for both myself and my students.
When I founded Peers Not Fears, I knew I wanted things to be different. There were 20 students in the classroom with me—why wouldn’t I tap into their minds to elevate our collective learning experience? Yet, the answer to that was clear: fear. I was afraid of losing control, of not being the one in charge. That fear wasn’t just holding my students back—it was holding me back too.
How This Fear Translates to My Work Today
The fear of giving up control still lingers in different forms. Today, as I work with schools and leadership programs, I often find myself telling administrators and program directors, “Your students are capable of doing hard things.” But here’s the catch—it takes a lot of courage for them to believe me. It takes even more courage for the students themselves to believe in their capabilities.
For many of these students, the world has told them, whether directly or indirectly, that they aren’t capable, that adults must step in and handle the hard things. This is why I feel so strongly about the work I do and why I want to share my journey with you. Taking that leap of faith wasn’t easy. I had to trust myself and my students, just as administrators have to trust me when I tell them their students can rise to the challenge.
But here’s the amazing part: in every program I’ve run, students have not only met our expectations—they’ve exceeded them. Time and time again, they’ve gone above and beyond, proving that they are more than capable of doing hard things.
What About the Students Who Don’t Believe in Themselves?
Of course, not every student walks in with confidence. Some act out, others withdraw. Too often, we label this as “bad behavior” without asking why it’s happening. But when we stop to think about it, we realize it’s often fear driving these actions. These students are afraid they won’t live up to our expectations because they’ve been told over and over again that they can’t.
And if they’ve been hearing this message their whole lives, why wouldn’t they believe it?
How Fear Holds Us All Back
This is where I want to encourage you to reflect on your own fears, and the fears of your students. It takes courage to look at the ones we often overlook—the students who don’t stand out because they’re not causing problems, nor are they excelling in obvious ways. They’re compliant, they do the work, but they don’t shine. When I was in the classroom, I often gave the big tasks to the student I knew would meet my expectations, unintentionally sending a message to the rest that I didn’t believe they could do it.
It’s not the message any of us intend to send, but whether it’s intentional or not, it’s received.
Seeing the Students We Overlook
So here’s what I ask you to do: take a look at your students, especially the ones who might be quietly waiting for someone to see them. They won’t ask for your attention. They’ll keep doing what they’ve always done—working hard but never rising to the level of exceptional.
I know it can be hard to admit that we’ve overlooked a student, but reflection is key. Think about those students. Write their names down. Pay attention to them. Maybe they’re the student you hand a leadership workbook to and say, “I see something in you. You’re a hard worker, and I believe you can be a leader.”
These small acts of acknowledgment can be life-changing for students who have yet to see their own potential. Your encouragement might be the push they need to step into leadership, try something new, or simply believe in themselves.
Because in the end, leadership is about more than just being in control—it’s about empowering others to rise to their full potential. That’s the lesson I learned as a teacher, and it’s the message I hope to share with you today.
Conclusion: Encouraging Courage in Both Teachers and Students
Letting go of control as a teacher or leader isn’t easy. It requires courage—courage to trust your students, to trust yourself, and to embrace the uncertainty that comes with giving others autonomy. But when you take that leap of faith, you unlock a wealth of potential in the students around you.
In my experience, students will surprise you. They will rise to the challenge and exceed expectations—if we let them. The courage it takes to give them that opportunity may be difficult, but the results are always worth it.
Are you ready to take that leap and see the hidden leaders in your classroom?
This blogpost was originally posted here!
Learn more about and how to work with Lorraine Connell here!
Please note that the blogpost above does not represent the thoughts or opinions of Fresh Start Registry and solely represents the original author’s perspective.