From Overlooked to Empowered: How Being a Student Shaped My Journey as a Teacher and Coach
by Lorraine Connell founder of Peers not Fears, Teen Leadership Coach
As a student, I was the one who always did the right thing. I got good grades, worked hard for them, and followed the rules. But despite my effort, I always felt… average. I wasn’t the best at sports, my SAT scores were fine but not impressive, and while I played volleyball, I was far from a standout. I thought that if I worked hard and did what I was supposed to, I’d get noticed. But I didn’t, and the truth is, I felt overlooked.
Now, as an educator, I know that being overlooked wasn’t intentional. My teachers and coaches weren’t singling me out to ignore—they simply didn’t see the quiet potential in me, just like so many students in schools today. But that feeling of invisibility stayed with me for a long time, and it’s something I carried with me as a teacher. It’s why I made a point to notice all of my students, especially the ones who remind me of myself: the quiet ones, the ones who do everything right but may not stand out. To those students, I often say, “I see you as a leader. You should try this.” Because I know what it’s like to wish someone had seen that in me sooner.
The Pain of Being an Overlooked Student: Cut from the Team
One moment that really stands out from my high school experience was getting cut from the softball team during my freshman year. I’ll admit, I wasn’t very good. But the reality of trying out for sports is if you don’t make the cut, there’s no other team for you to join. You’re just out. I ended up becoming the team manager so I could still be around my friends, but it stung. When you’re a teenager, belonging is everything. The social hierarchy is clear, and being cut from a team can feel like a huge blow to your confidence, especially when you’re already struggling to find your place.
That experience stayed with me, and it shaped the way I coached when I became a varsity volleyball coach years later. I hated cutting students from the team, and it was a struggle every season. I only had 12 uniforms, and while I didn’t often have many students trying out, there were always one or two who didn’t make the team. As a coach, you might think, “I kept almost everyone,” but for the one student who didn’t make it, it’s devastating.
My Struggles as a Coach: Balancing Competition and Confidence
Coaching brought back many of my own high school memories. I remembered the pressure I felt every time I was subbed into a volleyball game. If I missed my serve, I might not get subbed in again. And in volleyball, where you’re subbed into specific positions, it meant I had to get that serve right every single time. The pressure was intense, and it often got the best of me.
As a coach, I didn’t want to put that kind of pressure on my players. But at the same time, I had players who were driven to win, and we were a team that struggled to be competitive. I often felt like I was failing as a coach because we weren’t winning games. I remember feeling torn between pushing the team harder and creating an environment where the pressure didn’t crush their confidence. I realized that sometimes, it’s not just about winning. It’s about building the kind of resilience and confidence that can last a lifetime.
The Lessons I Learned About Leadership
Reflecting on those experiences, both as a student and a coach, has shaped how I view leadership and how I approach my students. High school sports are a strange place to teach life skills, and in many ways, we don’t explicitly teach them. But we should. We need to find a balance between fostering a competitive spirit and helping students grow as people, not just athletes.
For me, being a leader isn’t about being the loudest or most visible person in the room. It’s about finding your voice, no matter how quiet it might be. It’s about recognizing that leadership is not tied to titles or wins, but to the ability to support and uplift others. I now realize that just because I didn’t stand out as a student doesn’t mean I wasn’t a leader. And as a teacher, I want to make sure that every student, even the quiet ones, knows they have the potential to lead.
That’s why I now tell my students—especially the ones like me—"I see you as a leader. I want you to try this." Because the truth is, leadership is not about being perfect. It’s about being seen, being heard, and knowing that your perspective is valuable, even if you don’t always realize it.
This blogpost was originally posted here!
Learn more about and how to work with Lorraine Connell here!
Please note that the blogpost above does not represent the thoughts or opinions of Fresh Start Registry and solely represents the original author’s perspective.