How a Teen Leadership Coach Can Help Your Teen Develop Confidence and Leadership Skills
by Lorraine Connell founder of Peers not Fears, Teen Leadership Coach
How Leadership is Like Basketball: A Journey of Growth and Practice
Have you ever played a sport or learned to play an instrument? These are often described as "skills" to our youth. I like to use basketball as an example when I talk to teens about leadership—not because I’m particularly good at it (I’m not), but because I’ve been fortunate enough to live with some amazing basketball players over the past few years. That experience taught me something important about learning and growth, and one year stands out in particular. I had the privilege of sharing my home with a group of boys, and by the end of the year, we felt like a family.
How does basketball connect with leadership?
When you’re learning to play basketball—or any sport or instrument—what do you do? This is a question I ask teens often. Their responses usually match what you’re probably thinking: we practice, we get a coach, we try again and again, we make mistakes, we test our skills in a game, and we continue learning. Sometimes we take a class, watch a video, or listen to someone’s experience. Everything we do is aimed at helping us improve.
Leadership is no different.
As a teenager, I didn’t realize leadership was a skill that could be learned and practiced. I thought I was just "who I was"—as if there were no way to improve my leadership abilities intentionally. Of course, I did improve over time, but it was largely through trial and error. Now, looking back, I wonder how much faster I could have grown into a confident leader if I’d had someone to guide me, like a coach for leadership.
This realization is what led me to become a teen leadership coach. I know teens need support to grow into the leaders they’re meant to be. If they realized today that they are leaders, how might they approach mistakes and challenges differently? If they understood that setbacks are opportunities for growth, would they embrace new challenges more confidently? And what if they knew they weren’t expected to be "all-star" leaders from the start, just like most basketball players aren’t born ready to play in the NBA?
I believe they would. If we taught our developing teen leaders, much like we teach junior varsity basketball players, that improvement comes with practice, we’d see a lot more teens stepping up to lead. Unfortunately, this message isn’t shared enough. We often elevate the teens who are naturally good leaders—or popular students—and assume they’re the only ones fit for leadership roles. But what about the students who don’t see themselves as leaders yet? They may have just as much potential, if not more.
Meet Jeremy
Jeremy was one of those students. I met him as a 16-year-old sophomore who sat quietly in the back of my classroom, barely interacting with his peers. He struggled at home, moving between his mom’s house and his aunt’s depending on who could care for him and his younger brother. Though he was large in size, and some might have found him intimidating, I grew to know him as a gentle giant. Unfortunately, his size and the crowds he got caught up in often led to trouble with school administrators.
Over time, we built a strong relationship. He was in both my science class and study hall, and as I got to know him, I saw his struggles more clearly. At the end of the year, he was in danger of failing his physical science class, but we worked together, and he passed. Still, the moment that changed everything wasn’t about academics—it was a conversation we had when he was about to be suspended for defending his younger brother in a fight.
I remember the moment vividly. An administrator asked me to talk with him before sending him home for an extended suspension. I told him, "Jeremy, you are a leader. Your brother looks up to you. You have a choice: you can keep leading yourself and your brother down this path, or you can make different decisions and lead in a better direction."
That conversation took place six years ago, but I remember it clearly. Today, Jeremy has graduated high school, he’s engaged, and he recently started his own business. Did he make mistakes along the way? Of course—because all teens do. But I truly believe that conversation helped him realize his potential and take control of his future.
Teachers Have Incredible Power
As a teacher, I know the power we hold. I remember the teachers who saw more in me than I did, and how their belief in me pushed me to meet their expectations. I also remember those who didn’t, and how their lack of belief affected me. We carry those experiences with us. They shape who we become.
I spoke to a woman recently who still remembers a teacher from decades ago—one who refused to let her use the bathroom during class. She ended up having an accident and, to this day, feels anxious about public restrooms. Our interactions with students, even the seemingly small ones, can leave a lasting impact.
That’s why I’m writing this post. As educators, mentors, or even parents, we have more influence than we realize. When we look at our students as developing leaders, we have the chance to change their trajectory. If we see potential in them and take the time to show them what we see, we give them the power to believe in themselves and the courage to step into leadership roles.
As you reflect on this, think about the students in your life. Who might have untapped leadership potential? Who just needs someone to believe in them? It starts with us, the adults who can recognize that leadership isn’t about being naturally gifted—it’s about learning, growing, and practicing, just like basketball.
Let’s allow our teens to step into leadership, even if they’re still figuring out their path. Because with the right support, they can do incredible things.
This blogpost was originally posted here!
Learn more about and how to work with Lorraine Connell here!
Please note that the blogpost above does not represent the thoughts or opinions of Fresh Start Registry and solely represents the original author’s perspective.