Redefining Leadership: Why Mistakes Are Essential for Teen Growth
by Lorraine Connell founder of Peers not Fears, Teen Leadership Coach
From Student to Leader: Lessons Learned from Teaching Young Leaders
When I was teaching and working with student leaders, I learned a great deal—not only about them but also about myself and the way we, as a society, identify and nurture leadership skills in young people.
Reflecting on my own journey, I realize I didn’t see myself as a leader for many years. I wasn’t popular, nor was I particularly confident in sports or clubs. I wasn’t the smartest in my classes either. I was average in every way, and growing up in an affluent community where my peers excelled in various areas only amplified my feelings of inadequacy. I felt fortunate that I didn’t face atypical challenges, but my lack of exceptionalism often left me feeling less than capable.
Ironically, it wasn’t until I became a teacher that I discovered my true joy—helping students see themselves as more than they thought possible. I vividly remember an English teacher during my junior year of high school who believed in me when I didn’t believe in myself. He suggested I try the advanced English class, and while it was intimidating, I took the leap. It was one of the hardest things I had done up to that point. I wasn’t a natural writer, and I struggled to earn the grades I was used to. But looking back, the B’s and C’s I worked so hard to achieve felt more rewarding than any A I’d ever received. The feedback was difficult to hear at times, but my teacher never once told me I couldn’t do it—and that was a gift.
I often share this story with my students. Risk-taking, I tell them, can be thrilling because there’s always a chance you might fail. But success, when it comes after hard work and courage, is one of the best feelings in the world. Whether it’s taking a challenging class or participating in something physically daring, risks are part of life’s most rewarding experiences.
The Pedestal Problem
One of the most important lessons I’ve learned as a teacher is how we tend to put student leaders on pedestals. We expect them to be flawless role models, and when they make a mistake, the consequences are often much harsher than necessary. There’s a certain pressure we put on student leaders, believing that others will follow in their footsteps, and we fear that a misstep will send the wrong message to their peers.
I know this all too well because I made the mistake of applying this pressure on one of my students. He was a student leader who constantly challenged me—questioning everything I did as a new advisor to the leadership program. I often found myself frustrated, thinking that my class would run more smoothly without him. Then, he made a significant mistake, one that harmed another student emotionally. I immediately felt the need to remove him from the program.
Before making the final decision, I sat down and reflected on his journey throughout the year. I wrote down every challenge he presented and everything that had upset me—and in doing so, I realized how much he had grown. He wasn’t the perfect leader I had expected, but he had come so far. By cutting him from the program, was I ready to halt his progress? That moment forced me to rethink what leadership meant, and I had to acknowledge my growth as a leader in the process.
The Fear of Mistakes Prevents Teen Growth
While some students, like the one I just mentioned, struggled with living up to the “ideal” of a student leader, others resisted the role altogether. I often found this strange, especially since I saw many students demonstrate leadership in other settings, like group projects or helping their peers during lab work. But when I asked them why they didn’t apply for leadership positions, their response surprised me: “I’m not a leader because I make mistakes.”
That’s when it hit me. We’ve created a culture where student leaders are expected to be perfect, and when they fail, they fall hard. Other students see this and think, “If even the ‘perfect’ students aren’t allowed to make mistakes, there’s no way I can be a leader.” The message we’re sending is the opposite of what we want.
Leadership isn’t about being flawless. It’s a skill that develops over time, through trial and error. If we only allow the “natural” leaders to step up, we miss out on the opportunity to nurture emerging leaders who may not have the confidence yet but are more than capable of growth.
A New Approach to Leadership
I want every teen to know that leadership isn’t something you’re born with—it’s something you build over time. Mistakes are part of that process. While we need to hold student leaders accountable for their actions, we also need to create space for them to make mistakes, learn from them, and grow stronger.
Rather than punishing them to the point where they feel the need to hide their errors, we should support them in developing the resilience and courage that true leadership requires.
It starts with us, the adults. We like it when students take on responsibilities we would otherwise have to manage. But when they don’t perform tasks exactly how we want them to, we need to remember—they’re still learning. They may seem mature beyond their years at times, but they’re still just kids figuring things out. By showing patience, understanding, and guidance, we can help them develop into the confident, resilient leaders we know they can be.
Leadership is not about being perfect. It’s about taking risks, learning from mistakes, and growing into the best version of yourself. Every teen has the potential to be a leader, and it’s our job to help them realize that potential, one challenge at a time.
This blogpost was originally posted here!
Learn more about and how to work with Lorraine Connell here!
Please note that the blogpost above does not represent the thoughts or opinions of Fresh Start Registry and solely represents the original author’s perspective.