Navigating Tough Times Together: 10 Ways to Offer Support to Someone Through Hard Times
Have you ever found yourself at a loss for words or actions when someone you care about is going through a rough patch? It's a familiar feeling for many of us, isn't it? We’re here to help – because we believe that community care is self care, and knowing how to support someone through hard times is both impactful for your people, and empowering for you! is Here are 10 simple ways you can offer support to those you love when life throws them a curveball.
10 ways to support someone through crappy times:
Be in the moment with them. Sometimes we just need to know that someone else is there with us in the moment. This is as simple as staying on video chat with them – no one even needs to talk. You’re just there to support them so that they don’t feel alone. Bonus points for video chatting with their kids so that they can do literally anything else (shower, call a doctor/lawyer/etc, drink a cup of coffee in silence).
Check in with texts. It sounds simple, but you’d be amazed how transformative a check-in, that requires nothing in response, and puts no emotional labor on the receiver, can be. People just want to be remembered and seen, and this is a really quick and easy way to make someone feel both. (See Simple Scripts for texts here!)
Check in on them. Quietly check in to make sure they’ve eaten, drank some water and got just a bit of Vitamin D. Of course, in a non-forceful, loving way, such as a text or audio message. Don’t hesitate to ask if they want you to send some meal suggestions or recipes as a bonus. Send them a text of a few simple meal ideas they can easily throw together (we’re talking pasta, sauce, and cheese easy).
Send appropriately distracting media. For example, TV shows that won’t make them think of their situation (like, don’t send them a romance reality show during a breakup). Maybe some interesting podcasts that will occupy their mind with something new. Or, perhaps books that will make them laugh or send them down a rabbit hole of pop culture fun. And, don’t forget about creating a playlist of important songs to help them feel distracted for a few minutes – the modern equivalent of the timeless tradition of a mixtape. (Here are some TV shows we recommend!)
Do the strategic research and logistical planning for them. Often when someone is going through a big life change there are so many decisions to make and so much research to be done. It’s just overwhelming. Support your person by looking into options for them, whether that’s for new bedsheets, possible schools or even insurance plans. Help them make pros and cons lists, develop questions for meetings with a lawyer, map out their route from possible jobs to their new apartment, compile a list of doctors, or even help them write a script for handling stressful family situations. There are so many ways to support someone by easing the mental load of planning and life strategy.
Just listen. Listen to them cry and celebrate and vent and express. Receive their words with no judgment. Do not offer advice unless specifically requested.
Make phone calls for them. Sometimes calling a new person is too scary, but weirdly it’s not as scary when it’s for someone else. Make an appointment, reservation or call to lodge a complaint for your person. This can work for email too! Take just one thing off their plate if you can.
Google the scary shit. Sometimes it can be really scary to hear new terminology during a life change, for example: a legal phrase during a divorce, a medical word during a diagnosis, or even a contract term during the purchase of a house. Your job is to act as a gentle Google, filtering the new information to them in a way that they can safely access.
Give them loving, conscious space if that’s what they need. Let them know you are there when they’re ready, but recognize that sometimes we just need to know the support exists, but aren’t ready to access it yet.
Ground them. Most importantly, remind them of all that they are capable of, and of all they’ve done, and of what they mean to you. Telling your people that you love them is always a simple, yet powerful, form of support.
